I have a crush on someone much younger than me. Is this lust inappropriate? Must I get the thought of wanting to jump him out of my head? Or do I use my older, worldly charm and show him a thing or two that he might not know?
Cradle Lover, Glen Waverley VIC
Dear Cradle Lover,
Why don’t you think about men in terms of the revolutionary 1980s Nescafé contraption, the ‘Café Bar’. I first encountered the vision in tan and mission brown moulded plastic while I was sitting in Autobarn waiting for my mother to get a wheel alignment (that’s not a euphemism) on her car. A twist of one of three knobs on the fascia of the machine would deliver the powdered concentrate of your beverage of choice into a polystyrene cup, which then could be emulsified to perfection with boiling water from a nearby urn using a Paddle Pop stick wooden stirrer.
Surrounded by the smell of grease and centrefolds of chesty, bikini-clad women, the device called to my childhood innocence and fascination; luring to me to choose between coffee, tea or Bonox. It seems that you are presented with the same conundrum and you have to ask yourself one question with three possible outcomes: what are you looking for? Do you want the rich, dark complexity that coffee brings? How about the crisp, uncomplicated yet refreshing aroma that tea has to offer? Or would you prefer the carnal, raw intensity of Bonox?
Fortunately in my case, that decision was made for me at Autobarn all those years ago, when I avoided first-degree burns from aforementioned urn but received a verbal scolding from my mother for my inquisitiveness and is possibly the reason why I’m still single and haven’t got a driver’s licence. I too have been known to like my bananas green, and from experience know that you should view your dalliance in context. In your situation, assuming that both parties are consenting adults (although your pseudonym does cast some doubt) and there’s a mutual attraction, then what’s stopping you? Depending on how significant the age gap is and whether you have anything in common, you might be in for a good time but not a long time. Oh, and you might have to bring your own cup.
Published on 26 May 2009 by Agony Uncle