I live in a share house with a girl whose long hair is  forever stuck in the drain of the shower. I’m sick of the shower flooding; and when I try to tell her about it, she always avoids the conversation. How should I encourage her to clean up her mess?

Follicularly Challenged, Darlinghurst, NSW

Dear Follicularly Challenged,

I once lived with a girl who, like your companion, was particularly hirsute. She had broad shoulders, an ample hide and a long mane of horsehair; and not doing herself any favours, always wore it in a ponytail. Every morning she’d stomp around the kitchen with her great big hooves, snorting and whinnying as she greedily gulped down her chaff. Often the house would resemble Stradivarius’ workshop, with enough horsehair laying around to outfit the bows of the entire string section of the Vienna Philharmonic. The Clydesdale in question was a great big hulk of thing, standing eighteen hands tall; her sheer size dictating that she should be pulling the Carlton Draught wagon. I wouldn’t have minded so much if the aforementioned wagon contained beer and not snide remarks and an attitude problem, but clearly she worked for a rival brewery.

Morning showers would really put Archimedes’ principle to the test when wading ankle-deep in one’s ablutions – you know you have a drainage issue when you start to look for objects such as shampoo bottles from which to build an ark. Like you, I discovered that our drain was a vile, matted tuft of dark horsehair wound around soap residue, dirt and dead skin. Put it in a plinth and call it modern art, but when on one’s hands and knees in the shower recess, something’s got to give.

My belief is that taking action is key; however, remember that you share your living quarters with a quarter horse and must tread lightly and diplomatically. Don’t do anything extreme: it’s not like I would recommend you put drain cleaner in her shampoo …  Instead take an implement you never plan on using again – perhaps one of her coat hangers – and as much as it might disgust you, fish around and leave a twisted sample of empirical evidence sitting on the tiles. There’s nothing more disturbing than seeing one’s own flowing locks twisted in a wet clump on the bathroom floor. It might be worth following up with a discussion of your drainage issue and how much it inconvenienced you. You’ll have to lay it on thick as your housemate doesn’t seem particularly considerate; and with any luck she will be more mindful in future. Failing that, there’s always the glue factory …