Bed sheets: what is an acceptable timeframe before washing them?
Unkempt Wonder, Malvern SA
Dear Unkempt Wonder,
I don’t know whether to find it revolting or refreshing that someone from such an illustrious suburb is writing regarding cleanliness standards, however, let’s go with the former and promptly fire your maid.
I was once involved in some weird situation where I was unwittingly on a blind date. Anyway, everything was going really well – eye contact; flirtation; body contact but not in an ‘Uncle Pervy’ manner – until I expressed dismay that the minute I would return home I would have to make my bed before I could collapse into it in a drunken stupor. Long story short, here is the conversation that transpired:
Agony Uncle: Oh bugger, I have to go home and make my bed. I really can’t be bothered.
Unkempt (and Surprise) Blind Date: What do you mean?
Agony Uncle: Well, I stripped my bed this morning and haven’t had the chance to put clean sheets on it.
Unkempt (and Surprise) Blind Date: Oh? How often do you change your sheets?
Agony Uncle: Every week without fail. *Insert awkward pause here* Why do you ask? How frequently do you change yours?
Unkempt (and Surprise) Blind Date: Oh, you know, about every six months.
Agony Uncle: *Insert gagging and abject disgust here* Oh … right … Um, hey … I kinda have to … hmm … excuse me.
* EXIT STAGE LEFT *
I hope this dramatisation illustrates just how important it is to maintain proper nocturnal hygiene. Without spelling it out in CSI terms: if your linen can walk itself to the laundry; it’s probably time you threw it in the washing machine (and gave yourself a kerosene bath).
Crefella
2 years ago
I am astonished that a dandy such as yourself would leave the house without making the bed. I envisage your abode as I imagine Tom Ford’s: an edgy, pristine loft with many clear surfaces and ample (in use) Egyptian cotton.
…unless the surprise date occurred as you were making your bed eg you were holding the quilt cover inside out by the corners, positioning to grab the quilt when the phone rang and the Unkempt One so sexily entreated you, you couldn’t say no. Totally understandable.
On all other matters in your post, I could not agree more.