I find public speaking easy and am perceived as being confident, however, when I’m in small groups of people I don’t know well, I become very shy, drink way too much and try to make everyone laugh but often come across as being rude. Can you help me with how I might be able to feel more comfortable in small groups while drinking?
Tongue-Tied and Quick-Drinking, Brisbane QLD
Dear Tongue-Tied and Quick-Drinking,
As we all know, your Agony Uncle does love the odd tipple *Coughs awkwardly and looks away* However, like most, knowing when to stop can be an issue. Take me, for example, a fortnight ago in my friend’s kitchen after a fairly large night out on the turps: cooking scrambled eggs; bacon and chicken mignons at three in the morning. Sure, it wasn’t particularly out of the ordinary that I was preparing a feast in the wee hours, yet what was most frightening was that I was leaning on a baking tray that had just come out of the oven and didn’t realise until I could smell burning flesh. The wound is only starting to heal now, but it makes me wonder whether the Scanpan branding on my arm will ever fade. The worst part is that the burn is back-to-front so it looks likes I’m endorsing some naff mid-eighties French denim brand or a Baltic kitchen appliance, ‘Napnacs’.
Now, whether you are speaking publicly or to a small group, one method that has been purveyed for eons is to imagine everyone in your audience in their underwear. Sure, it reduces everyone to their unglamorous worst, but it depends on to whom you are speaking. A group of sleek, sexy club kids could be a mildly titillating experience, but speaking to a bunch of your parents’ crony old friends would leave you checking your back pocket to ensure your car keys aren’t in the fish bowl.
Instead, it might take a bit of confidence, but you should try to go once without the grog. You’ll soon realise that you don’t need to make a fool of yourself because everyone else will do that for you. Inevitably, you’re going to be asked why you’re not drinking, so try my tried-and-tested method of drinking tonic water with fresh lime – you’ll have everyone fooled (and charmed). How nice would it be to be perceived as the ‘dark, brooding one’ for once rather than the alco slumped in the corner?
When you get back on the hooch, I would recommend you stick to drinking gin (or vodka) and tonic, and substituting every second drink with my secret above. Fortunately, tonic water still has that sting of the Indian sun to trick you into thinking you’re drinking. You might run out of steam a little earlier than everyone else does, but that’s what Red Bull’s for. When you can feel your heart ricocheting around your chest cavity and your pupils starting to twitch, that’s when you should go home.
It will take some courage, but with any luck, you’ll soon learn that you don’t need to use alcohol as a crutch to make an impression. If you think of your bashfulness as a minor inconvenience – like filling out a tax return or foreplay – it will reduce the mission at hand to a routine interruption.
Published on 12 June 2009 by Agony Uncle