I know someone who considers me a friend; however, I would be more inclined to class her as an acquaintance. She persistently attempts to catch up with me and truthfully, I don’t have time, nor do I actually intend on seeing her. How do I politely say, ‘no’?
No Friend of Yours, Brighton VIC
Dear No Friend of Yours,
We’ve all had that friend (and I use the term in the broadest sense) that’s as hard to shake as athlete’s foot (or herpes; in direct proportion to their willingness to cling and how effective your technique of eradication). Everyone’s heard it before: ‘My friend’s just moved into town from interstate/abroad/Mars, would you mind catching up with them/showing them around/devoting your life to them?’ Often, no consideration is made for the poor sap who so generously volunteers their time and patience; and one finds oneself seated across the table from somebody with whom they have nothing in common. Unfortunately, the problem is only exacerbated when you go out of your way to make polite conversation and the other party mistakes this as a welcome invitation to form a friendship. Too late, buddy, you’ve just acquired a lovely barnacle.
Once they’ve latched on, they’re like a suckling infant at its mother’s breast, or if you’re particularly generous (or naïve) you’ll feel like a sow being drained to bone-dry by a litter of hungry piglets, each vying for your attention. Fortunately, I am privileged that I have never had a snotty-nosed brat gnawing at my aureole, but I know what it’s like to spread yourself thin and have your attention demanded from several directions at once.
You have to cut it off at the source. Now, I’m not suggesting your own do-it-yourself mastectomy (my public liability insurance doesn’t cover me for that, so you and your remaining breast would be on your (respective) own). Instead, you have to cease contact subtly without upsetting the other party. Explain that you happen to busy at the moment and that when things begin to clear up, you’ll get in touch. Whether you contact them again is unimportant, however, sometimes you have to be cruel to be fair. Just ask Rod Stewart.
Now, if you would excuse me, all this talk of boobs has made me thirsty and on the rare occasion that I’m out of bed before the gentlemanly hour of ten o’clock, I declare it tea time! If only I weren’t out of milk …
haha
2 years ago
I have this exact issue with friends at uni.
They just don’t understand that as soon as we leave the perimeter of uni, we go from ‘friends’ to ‘acquaintances’.
I might just have to link them to this post.’