Short, mini, petite – it’s all the same thing. Here are some questions of the coupé variety:
Whilst having a work-related conversation with a colleague, I winked and stroked my breast. Is this inappropriate?
Erica, Twitter
It really depends on the context of where you work and the intention of your gesture. Say, for instance, you were a mammogram operator, you were wearing the oh-so-alluring lead protective gown and your gesture was a display of mammographic solidarity, sure, go for it. If not, put your hands and come-hither eye away, perv.
Almighty Hat, I get a boner when looking at melons in a fruit shop. Is this normal?
Kristian, Facebook
If said ‘boner’ is used in the metaphorical sense, and you are an ecstatic horticulturist delighted by the yield of your harvest, then it is acceptable that you are overjoyed (albeit strange terminology to use). If, however, you are experiencing physical arousal from inanimate objects, remind me never to come to your house for fruit salad.
I woke up with my underwear and stockings in my handbag and a deflated sumo wrestler suit on my living room floor. Can you help me put together the pieces?
Unlikely Geisha, Brooklyn NY
These are extraordinary circumstances and surely worthy of an outrageous explanation. My hypothesis is that you were forced to enter an inflatable sumo wrestling competition after you lost everything at a poker tournament. Your underwear and stockings were causing static cling and impeding your performance, so after the first round, you removed all three items without removing your suit using a trick you learnt in college. You entered the ring to defeat your opponent, thus claiming your title and your honour. You were then lauded for your triumph with copious amounts of sake at a local teahouse and when you returned home, you deflated your sumo suit by falling onto a knitting needle that was protruding from the beginnings of a jumper taken from Patons pattern 3472C and went to bed. If not, there is only one other explanation: you’re a wanton lush who should ease up on the sake and give me a call.
Published on 19 June 2009 by Agony Uncle