I am known by my choice of wonderful accessories, in particular, hats. Recently someone else has been trying to hone in on my hat-wearing glory. I don’t like this and think it’s inappropriate. I think she should take up wearing great scarves or bling rings. How much space is there in the room for one hat-wearing individual?
Accessory to Violation, Melbourne VIC
Dear Accessory to Violation,
Your predicament reminds me of a particular episode of the popular nineties comedy series, Blossom. If you’re unfamiliar, the series starred an awkward-looking teenage girl and addressed hard-hitting issues, which was considered revolutionary for its time. I know this because I was forbidden from watching it when things got a little too PG for its 7:30 timeslot. I’m pretty sure Burke’s Backyard was its substitute.
Anyway, in this particular episode, Blossom’s best friend, Six becomes envious that Blossom is spending too much time with her boyfriend, Vinnie, and not with her. In the same episode, Blossom’s brother, Joey hires a Polish escort by the name of Kandy in an attempt to lose his virginity; but that’s a subplot that doesn’t need to be explored unless you’re considering engaging the services of one.
Now, like you, Blossom was known for wearing hats and her favoured adornment became even more identifiable than she. Often, Six would bite her style, wearing similar hats with Laura Ashley floral-print dresses, which is unsurprising because everyone knows you can never trust anyone who wears Laura Ashley. Maybe you should consider your friend to be a Six to your Blossom.
Now if you and your friend were Blossom and Six, you would solve your problem the civilised way: “greasy fries and international coffee (Jean-Luc!)”. Instead, perhaps before heading out together, discuss what each of you intends on wearing (under the guise of not clashing); ensuring you emphasise that your outfit is planned around your headwear. This should help alleviate the tension and you’re free to accessorise until you fall over. Or you can just hope time will ravage her and she will be relegated to sleazy photo shoots and ‘where are they now?’ specials like her alter-ego.
And here’s the episode for your enjoyment:
Published on 4 June 2009 by Agony Uncle