An acquaintance wet herself on my couch whilst passed out during a house party I hosted. I only discovered this later in the morning after she had left without saying anything. I have seen her since and still she has not mentioned the mishap nor apologised, although her demeanour around me is unmistakably sheepish. How do I broach the subject with her? Should I even have to?
Clean Freak, Windsor VIC
Dear Clean Freak,
I can only assume that your friend is not a three-year-old in toilet training and is in fact a grown woman, which is an exceptionally sobering thought – even after the greater part of three dry vodka martinis (with two olives and a pinch of salt). Don’t look at me like that. It might be the middle of the morning, but what is a young dandy supposed to do? Can you think of a better way to spend a Thursday? I think not. Besides, it’s well after midday in New Zealand.
Back to your incontinent friend – five words I never thought I would ever need to say – what a horrid discovery to make the morning after what I can only assume was a night of debauchery. I imagine the only thing you wanted to do after having people swinging from your chandeliers, tap-dancing on your baby grand piano and using your oil paintings as target practice was to flake-out on the sofa watching reruns of The Simpsons in the foetal position. The problem with sofas (unless they’re covered in leather or vinyl seat protectors à la Sylvia Fine) is that they tend to be very absorbent for every kind of spill. O to discover a urine-soaked sofa that wasn’t even your own mishap! Quelle horreur !
Although how your friend behaved was inappropriate, it was clearly unintentional and must have been mortifying. In a perfect world, she should have laundered the sheets, attempted a temporary spot clean of the sofa before you awoke and offered to pay to have it cleaned. That said, the poor love was most likely flustered, then panicked and fled without knowing how to react properly. Cut the girl some slack and let this one go. Put it down to experience and know not to allow her stay over again; not unless she’s relegated to a tarpaulin or garden furniture that can be hosed-down easily in the morning.
Published on 9 July 2009 by Agony Uncle