A week ago, I listed the mispronunciations and misspellings of common words that make you sound stupid and cast the vote out to you – our loyal audience – to decide the worst offender. It is with great pleasure that I announce the winner of the inaugural I Do Believe I Came with a Hat Meat Tray for Excellence in Butchery of the English Language.
Now, you will notice that there has been a slight amendment and I must apologise in advance for the poor substitution of the trophy. You see, I’d procured a good old-fashioned, hearty meat tray worthy of a family barbecue and left it on the kitchen bench in order to reposition goods in the freezer when my aptly named and recalcitrant beagle, Mischief, decided to run off with the swag. I was unable to find a stock photograph retrieve it from the greedy little mutt, but fear not, he’s since been turned into a pair of house slippers. Instead, I’ve settled for this delectable display of cold cuts of meat pictured above. Sure, it doesn’t have that raw bovine goodness that one would expect from a juicy side of a cow, however, the smoked and salt-cured delights of the replacement will no less tantalise the winner’s tastebuds. What’s more, it’s only fitting that an accolade of such prestige be accompanied by an accoutrement that exudes class and sophistication; such as a hollowed-out cobloaf filled with cottage cheese. Mmm … liquid cellulite – my favourite!
Drum roll, please …
After an overwhelming number of votes (59; you lazy things!), the winner of the 2009 I Do Believe I Came with a Hat Meat Tray for Excellence in Butchery of the English Language is:
‘youse’ – the fictional plural of ‘you’.
Congratulations to ‘youse’ and its grammatical imprecision and may it be banished to the recesses of outer suburbia.
Moving forward, I’ve found that audience participation is best, so expect more posts of the interactive kind. Other illustrious competitions such as chook raffles and wet t-shirt contests come to mind; so stay tuned.
Published on 2 July 2009 by Agony Uncle