With deference to good manners, can you please explain why many telephone callers do not identify themselves? I work in customer service and find people seek information – often about myself – but do not have the common courtesy to give their name. I’m becoming miffed! What can I do?
Fez Admirer, Clayton
Dear Fez Admirer,
I can just see you now: concealed by the office partitioning; impatiently drumming your fingertips on top of the desk waiting for the next call to come through. You’re in the zone but you have to hold on; your Madonna headset is fastened to the side of your head, you’re growing more anxious by the second. Then … a beep – a false alarm coming from the adjacent cubicle. You grow increasingly frustrated and the Gaultier conical bra concealed beneath your business suit is beginning to itch. You can’t wait any longer – you’re up, your giving face, your arms are flailing like never before. Vogue.
Customer Service is a throwback to the political correctness wave that swept the Nineties and has managed to linger (much to my dismay) into the current decade. ‘Personnel’ became known as ‘Human Resources’, the creepy guy in the photocopy room is now the Supplies Manager (although no less creepy) and the tea lady became known as the Food and Beverage Consultant. You can package it however you like, but in my opinion, you’re still getting your binding done by a man who watches porn on company time and your Iced VoVo from a sweet old dear who reeks of naphthalene. You have to face facts: you are what was known as the Complaints Department.
These days it’s rare to speak to an actual human being when something goes wrong with a product or service. More often than not, one is connected to an infuriating voice recognition service that misinterprets your request despite plain attempts to enunciate clearly (you have a lot to answer for, ‘Lara’ at Vodafone). Frequently, one hangs up in frustration after wasting countless minutes attempting to get to the correct area to resolve one’s problem, which further compounds the predicament at hand. It’s sad to admit, but people have become accustomed to speaking to a computer and forget their manners when it comes to speaking to one another.
My suggestion is that you maintain your cheery disposition, not allowing yourself to become incensed by their rudeness and attempt to empathise with them. A simple, ‘May I have your name?’, or ‘I didn’t catch your name’ are polite ways of breaking the ice with an irate caller. Keep that smile plastered to your face like a beauty pageant queen, no matter how much it hurts you, imagining there’s a pushy stage mother in the wings about to slap you senseless if you don’t.
Tips to great phone etiquette
Answering calls
1. Wait until the third ring so you and the caller have time to compose yourselves.
2. Smile, and then lift the receiver. You would be surprised: a smile can be ‘heard’ on the other end of the line and it can change the dynamic of a call vastly. Likewise, if you have food or an appendage in your mouth (you choose which one) expect that the other person knows what you are up to.
3. Say your greeting and end with your name. eg. “I Do Believe I Came with a Hat, this is the Agony Uncle.” Do not append ‘speaking’ or ‘how may I help you?’ to your greeting as it only complicates matters. ‘This is’ and your name is the best method. Trust me; I’ve worked in retail.
Making calls
1. Always introduce yourself when making a call. It’s polite and saves the person on the other end from guessing who you are.
2. Speak clearly and at a slightly slower pace than natural speech so what you are saying is discernible.
3. Always be kind to the switch bitch – they are bastion that determines whether your call gets through.
Dealing with inbound calls from call centres
1. Don’t get angry – sure it’s frustrating receiving calls at all hours from strangers, however, they’re just doing their job.
2. Say ‘no, thank you’ and replace the receiver.
And what fun – I have a visual aid for today’s post as put so succinctly by Gotye. Now, if you can’t hallucinate on cue like me (a new skill I discovered), blur your eyes and focus on one spot* just like a Magic Eye picture and set the video to full-screen view. It’ll be kind of like an interpreative dance of everything I’ve written above.You’ll have to imagine my jazz ballet routine, though.
* I take no responsibliity for loss of vision or seizures.
Published on 28 July 2009 by Agony Uncle