Maybe it’s a particularly British notion, however, speaking from experience the discussion of money and all things fiscally associated (unless in a business context) is exceptionally vulgar. Being discreet about your wealth (or lack thereof) makes for a more rounded individual, creates a little intrigue and generally prevents jealously or repulsion from other parties. Sure, one should be entitled to the occasional extravagance – a diamond tennis bracelet, a large home, a luxury car – yet, when the object intentionally polarises the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’ and is used as a brash means of displaying status then it’s just plain tacky. Enter rap and hip-hop.

I consider my musical taste diverse and my iTunes music library reflects this; filled with albums by A Tribe Called Quest, Common, The Nextmen, The Roots, Kid Sister, De La Soul, Resin Dogs and to keep it international, MC Solaar and NTM. The proliferation of poor grammar, mispronunciation, the bastardisation of the English language and the misogynistic undertones aside, I can be seen crumping on a dance floor as best as a skinny white boy can. Heck, I’ve even hit up the odd New York block party so I’ve certainly earned my stripes and street cred. However, the most recent wave of rappers and hip-hop performers is obsessed with iced-out bling, fly rims and banging bitches; essentially consumerism and materialism. Sure, some have come from poor socio-economic backgrounds and have found their own success that we shouldn’t begrudge, however, is covering your teeth in a diamond grill really necessary? After the jump are some of the worst offenders.

Jennifer Lopez

Let’s take a trip back to 2002 when Jennifer Lopez (or J. Lo as was her moniker) stepped away from her pop roots and toyed with the R&B/hip-hop sound inspired by her then boyfriend, hip-hop producer, performer and mogul, Sean “P. Diddy” Combs. Take, for example, her song, ‘Jenny from the Block’:

Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got

I’m still, I’m still Jenny from the block

Used to have a little, now I have a lot

No matter where I go, I know where I came from (South-Side Bronx!)

Assuming that she doesn’t own a quarry (although it’s possible), the lyrics suggest her success as a performer and her ability to drop the equivalent of a developing nation’s GDP in Van Cleef & Arpels. Admittedly she has been hugely successful with several films and albums to her credit, however, despite the glaring grammatical errors, is it really necessary to thrust it lyrically it in the faces of those who still remain in South-Side Bronx? You might be reminiscent of from where you came; however, the repetitive brilliance of scores of diamonds is akin to hypnosis regression therapy.

KanYe West

Well, where do we start with Mr West? When he’s not shouting his “voice of this generation” mantras, embarking upon caps-lock rants on his blog or interrupting awards shows, he occasionally makes some very popular music. Picking a track to demonstrate his advocacy of the consumable was like deciding which contestant on Rock of Love is the biggest skank, however, we opted for his contribution to Estelle’s ‘American Boy’.

About this Americana rhymer

Am I shallow ‘cause all my clothes designer

Dressed smart like a London bloke

Before he speak his suit bespoke

And you thought he was cute before

Look at his pea coat, tell me he’s broke

And I know you ain’t into all that

I heard your lyrics I feel your spirit

But I still talk that CAAASH

‘Cause a lot WAGs want to hear it

KanYe has never been shy of declaring his love of all things designer; his particularly vocal nature the reason why he lands the front row at every fashion week and a shoe deal with Louis Vuitton. Sure, his lyricism is clever but his conduct comes across as incredibly nouveau riche. Tone down the cash talk and leave the venetian blind shades at home, I say.

Wale

Speaking of all things vulgar (and I’m not referring to Lady Gaga or her terrible attempt to mimic M.I.A’s bale funk sound), Wale’s ‘Chillin’ has pushed all the boundaries of good taste with blatant lyrics expressing his aspirational designs on life. Take a look at his poetry  in motion:

DC chillin’, PG chillin’, floor to the ceilin’

Stuntin’ in my Billion-Air, gear on my millionaire frames,

That’s money on my mind, WALE

You’ve got to love poor little Wale who is so uncertain of his own name that he feels compelled to repeat it throughout the song:

My name [sic] Wale

There’s a metric shit tonne (yes, I can confirm it’s a recognised unit of measurement) of  artists and their songs that we could have covered – Jay-Z’s ‘Roc Boys’ (don’t get me started on his attempt to rhyme ‘chinchilla’ in Beyoncé’s ‘Crazy in Love’), P.Diddy’s ‘Mo Money, Mo Problems’, anything from Missy Elliot or L’il Kim’s back catalogues and any material from the new breed of rappers such as Flo Rida, T.I. and T-Pain (sounds like something you take for premenstrual trouble) –  however, we’d be here all afternoon.

So before you can accuse me of being biased against one particular genre of music, I am quick to demonstrate that this aspirational mindset has existed throughout popular music for decades and I leave you with two examples. Excuse me while I jump in my Escalade and get a running start on you for putting these in your head.

(This one’s for you, Charini!)

Who would you like to nominate for their tacky song lyrics? Leave your comments below.

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