a) picking up a family friend at family occasion followed by;

b) making out on the couch in everyone’s full view; and then

c) having sex on the aunt and uncle’s couch (mistakenly assuming everyone is asleep) with all the doors open is somewhat off?

Mind you, they were in their mid-20s. Am I wrong in thinking this was completely inappropriate?

Mortified By What Happened, Australia

Dear Mortified By What Happened,

Ah, the essence of youth! If you could bottle it, it would smell like an unwashed pair of tracksuit pants, humiliation, bong water and Toilet Duck. Heck, you’d have the fragrance brief for most insect repellents—glorious! The halcyon days of jeunesse are denoted by irresponsibility, dizzying levels of libido and a general sense of disregard.

A friend of mine was once forced to move back in with her mother on a self-imposed ‘detox’. Quite the wild child, she refused to abandon her voracious sexual appetite and took a lover who would join she and her mother for Sunday evening roasts. Being a small unit, they shared a common wall, which she erroneously believed to be soundproof. It was to her complete surprise and mortification when her mother mimicked her grunting at the kitchen sink to pitch-perfect precision that she realised that it was time to stop inviting her boyfriend over for Sunday evening dinners … and to move out.

Think of this: your parents having sex. Sure, I’m a horrible person, but the mere thought of one’s parents doing the horizontal ketchup dance is enough to put one off intercourse for life. Now imagine your parents—or in this case, your aunt and uncle—eavesdropping on your carnal outcries. Disturbing? Thought so.

Don’t forget to ask the Agony Uncle your burning question about etiquette and social protocol. Just click here.