Dear Agony Uncle,

How can I turn my man into a gentleman without just forcing myself through doors before him?

Wiley and Feminine, Adelaide

Dear Wiley and Feminine,

Unfortunately men these days are far less gentle and a whole lot more like a slug to the head with a leg of cold beef. From previous decades where gentility was inherent and brutish behaviour was reserved for those who worked on wharves or in abattoirs, we’ve come a long way for the worse … but you already knew that. So why don’t we talk in terms of butchery?

As you can see, humour and sarcasm are your best tools to prevent your seeming high-maintenance. Men are sensitive creatures and require a good deal of coercion and ego-stroking before they’ll bend like a sausage. When he enters a door before you, stand behind him and playfully cough with your hand on your hip. If he picks up his knife and fork first, utter the words, “Don’t you think I’m a lady?” and wink. Or if he allows you to walk gutter-side, step behind him and to the other side, squeeze his waist then say, “You were on the wrong side of me.” If he’s baffled by any of the propositions, explain where he’s set a foot wrong and he’ll soon get the idea. If he doesn’t, well, there’s no changing this caveman and maybe you’re best to leave him to hunt and gather like his Neanderthal forbears.

I do believe there’s more for you to read: