It’s fair to say that Mother Nature is hormonal. From flooding in Australia and Pakistan, snowstorms in New York and earthquakes in New Zealand; Cranky-Pants is in desperate need of a hot water bottle, a packet of Mint Slice and a premenstrual viewing of “The Notebook”.

It’s times like these that make spending $30 on a pharmacy-bought umbrella seem like a reasonable proposition. For that amount of money it should do your vacuuming and pick up your dry cleaning. Unfortunately, with crazy weather comes poor behaviour from those grappling with the elements. In cities where year-round sunshine is commonplace, the mere prospect of 100% humidity can render the coolest cat a drowned rat.

Here are some pointers to keep  you dry and mighty in this inclement weather.

Opening your umbrella
Common sense should prevail: open your umbrella carefully in front of you so it doesn’t hit anyone along the way. If you’re using a wet—particularly an automatic opening—umbrella, aim it diagonally into the street to avoid splashing passersby.

Passing others
Wet weather can be dangerous, particularly when surrounded by the spatially unaware. Look where you are going and lift or lower your umbrella accordingly to allow others to pass. Generally speaking, if you’re taller, go up, and if you’re shorter, go down. In narrow passages, go diagonally and to the left. Everybody needs their eyes!

Under cover
We’ve all seen that total d-bag who insists in walking under an awning with their umbrella open and thought to ourselves, “What a loser!” Don’t be that person. Close your umbrella when it’s not required or take to the street to allow space for those poor soaked sods who are walking unprotected.

Uncooperative umbrellas
There will be times that your umbrella blows inside-out and you’ll be battling with it in the wet. One sharp push of the umbrella’s canopy into the opposite direction of the wind should set it right and you can laugh it off on your way. In extreme cases where your umbrella is completely destroyed, fold it down as best you can and stick it into the nearest rubbish receptacle, then pop your collar and busy yourself with finding a new one.

Entering a building
It goes without saying: wait until the entrance is clear and enter by walking backwards as closing your umbrella. Don’t attempt to go forwards, otherwise you’ll end up drenched and annoying those in front of you as you get stuck in the doorframe.

Indoors
If there’s an umbrella stand inside the doorway, make use of it. Otherwise, furl your umbrella and allow the water to drip off just outside the door. In some stores, the doorman will provide you with a plastic sheath—an umbrella condom, if you will—with which to carry it around. If you’re certain your umbershoot will grow legs and walk, this is the best option. Carrying the umbrella’s case or a plastic bag in your bag or pocket is also a good way to avoid dripping on others and marble floors.

Drying umbrellas
In order to prolong the life of your umbrella and avoid it smelling like a footballers’ locker room, find a place out of the way to leave your umbrella open and to air dry. Be sure to remember to retrieve it lest it finds itself blown away.

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