Supermarkets Are Evil: Egging Easter On

Published on 28 January 2011 by Agony Uncle

Dear Agony Uncle,

In the last week I have seen two local supermarkets—a Coles and a Woolworths—stocking hot cross buns on their shelves. We’ve barely put the Christmas decorations away and they are pushing Easter consumption on us. It’s an affront! Any thoughts?

Hopping Mad, Abbotsford

Dear Hopping Mad,

Premature seasonal merchandising pains me to no end, and it was not long ago that I was complaining about Christmas decorations intruding on my meal last October. Why just this morning when I was in the local service station buying bags of ice to keep my illegal harvested organ supply at a saleable temperature, I spied a basketful of Easter eggs at the front counter. “20 Easter eggs for $4!” proclaimed the sign in bold red and yellow type (I’ll let you decide which fine establishment I was in), clearly devised to attract the attention of small children and the easily-influenced impulse shopper.

Admittedly I didn’t even raise an eyebrow as it wasn’t the first of the Easter schlock I’d encountered; with Cadbury Creme eggs, chocolate rabbits all flirting at me from the shelf like the saucy wenches they are. On 4 January it was pointed out to me that Woolworths were advertising hot cross buns in their catalogue and as per your observation, displaying them on their shelves. What is of note is that Easter Sunday this year is on 24 April—still three months from now!

Let us not forget that Easter is Christian holiday to commemorate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Whether the Bible is your bag is irrelevant, when that rock was rolled away it was to reveal a crumpled shroud and not a new car. The retail industry has a lot to answer for and when it’s another pleading child chanting “Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum!” over confectionary, I tend to take exception.