I’m one of those folk whose sleep is hindered perpetually by the full moon. I mightn’t be part werewolf (although my leg hair suggests the contrary), however, the minute that big shiny disk hovers in the sky I can be certain that I won’t be sleeping. Thank goodness for red wine. Why, just the other night after a bottle’s worth of liquid sedative I eyed off the Valium that a friend has been providing in lieu of payment for advanced lessons in Microsoft Excel. I don’t know what it was in me, perhaps a sense of reason that has been long repressed by over a decade over hedonism, but I shied away and instead downed the Devil’s mouthwash—liquid valerian root extract.
It has happened to me before where I have gone for a phenerganap and woken up twenty-four hours later; exceptionally disoriented but fabulously well-rested. Only one thing stopped me this time: if I were to fall asleep the contents of my refrigerator would suggest the worst possible thing imaginable to the coroner—that I was a vegan. Normally there’s an abundance of shaved porcine products reserved for “Ham Sundays” and general in-between-meals snacking, but on this occasion the only thing that resembled animal flesh the closest was a packet of organic tofu. The horror!
So I decided it’s time for me to step up and reclaim my masculinity, particularly as I was one of Lady Gaga’s back-up dancers in my dream last night. I blame the valerian root. From Esquire‘s blog of the same name comes Eat Like a Man: The Only Cookbook a Man Will Ever Need. Beautifully designed and photographed, it comes with all manner of manly recipes designed to clog the arteries. Now, where’s my jack hammer, motorcycle and belt that doubles as a beer opener? I’ve got some manning up to do!
Buy it here.
Published on 19 May 2011 by Agony Uncle