Don’t Hurl, Girl: How to Break Up with Someone Who Makes You Want to Barf

Published on 13 May 2011 by Agony Uncle

Dear Agony Uncle,

I have a date tonight and I have to tell him I don’t want to see him anymore. He is really super nice, but he gives me the ‘ick’ and he is really sooky. I can’t deal with it and the thought of getting nude with him makes me want to puke. That isn’t a good thing. Do I just tell him, “Sorry, there’s no chemistry for me”? Or do I lie and say I’m not into boys/boyfriends at the moment?

Pukey Princess, South Yarra, VIC

Dear Pukey Princess,

We’ve all dated our fair share of dead-heads and although experience supposedly brings wisdom and more discerning taste, unfortunately, our loser radar is turned up to ten. By this stage there should be three types available: those who pique some interest and could be a viable option for husband material; those you would certainly never introduce to your mother/anyone who doesn’t work in a restaurant or bar; and those who offer nothing but abject repulsion, as is your case.

Time is of the essence and there’s not point stringing along someone just for the sake of having dinner company, particularly if he’s paying. Spark up the courage and be diplomatic—tell him that you’ve enjoyed hanging out together and you’d be better suited to being friends. This might or might not be the case, and will certainly protect the feelings of all concerned, especially since he’s sensitive.

He might react poorly and begin sobbing at the table, or perhaps he’ll save it until later when he can sit in a corner of a darkened room and construct your effigy out of earwax like a Justin Bieber fan. This way, you’ve remained truthful and if you should run into him in a month’s time with Prince Charming on your arm, you won’t have to lie and say that it’s your very masculine lesbian lover.