They say manners maketh the man which is a little tricky if you are a woman but that is no reason to eschew such an important part of life. Today we consider five important table manners which will set you apart in this crazy mixed-up world.

1. Chew with your mouth closed.

“Say it, don’t spray it” is a nice rhyme, yes? Consider it gospel. But what if I have to gnaw on a bone? Won’t my mouth be a little open then? Graceful reader, you are not gnawing on a bone in polite company. And certainly not on a date.

2. Do not speak with your mouth full.

A closely allied rule to Rule 1 but no less important. And you can’t fudge it by covering your full mouth while speaking; it’s an all or nothing rule. If someone has asked you a question and you feel paralysed with the two competing manners of ‘speak when spoken to’ versus ‘don’t speak with your mouth full’ then the second must prevail.

3. Knife and fork placement matters.

When setting the table, obviously the knife goes on the right and fork on the left. The blade of the knife should be turned in. When pausing during eating, the fork should be turned prongs down and the knife and fork placed at a twenty-five-past-seven position. Never a quarter to three. This is the number one thing table mannerists are looking out for and are judging you on. Believe me. When finished, the knife and fork should be placed at half past six position with the fork prongs up.

4. Napkins belong on your lap.

Do not tuck them in, you will look like a hillbilly … and not in a chic way. (There is no chic way). When leaving the table, place them to the left of the plate. If you’re dining in a nice restaurant, you should return to it nicely rolled for you to unfurl and continue.

5. Food should be cut and handled neatly.

Don’t push your food around the plate or mess it up. Do not overload your fork so you can try everything at once. Dainty morsels are much more elegant  and let’s be honest, sexier. While Nine and a Half Weeks food play is fun in the movies, it is nigh on impossible to pull off attractively in your own home and should never be attempted in a restaurant.

6. Do not reach across the table.

Not only does this practice risk getting your beautiful French cuffs in the side salad, it makes you look uncouth. The alternative is asking someone to pass something. And haven’t you been looking for an excuse to talk to that intriguing, debonair stranger at the table?

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