When Robin Williams said that cocaine was God’s way of telling you that you have too much money, he obviously wasn’t aware of Updown Court. With a larger floor-plan than Hampton Court Palace or Buckingham Palace, this 103-room Windlesham estate is said to symbolise “the grand and imposing presence of the Great Houses of England,” but more than anything, at a listing price of $123 million, it screams, “mind bogglingly wealthy.” The sellers also describe it as “a tribute to completion,” which given the insane scale of the place, I guess it is.

If you are not the sort of person who:

• feels uncomfortable swimming in the same swimming pool two days in the same working week;
• has eight limousines all requiring a garage;
• wants your driveway heated, because driveways can get cold, my dear;
• wants to pay homage to Gianni Versace with your staircase;

then this isn’t the mansion for you.

But if you’re the sort of person for whom 58 acres of landscaped grounds, formal gardens and your own peaceful woodland is just right, then take the short drive from London and say hi to Posh and Becks for me who will be arguing between the private cinema and the bowling alley about whether to lowball the agent.

I do believe there’s more for you to read: