So, you’re pregnant—what fun! So many things to do and buy, whether it’s the Louis Vuitton diaper bag or the Kid Kustoms’ Roddler for a cool US$3500. You could just burst with the excitement of telling people and allowing the whole wide world to revel in your fertility! Or let’s call it your fecundity; it sounds so much racier.

Do you maybe want to tell everyone but keep things elegant? Do you maybe not want to offend the non-deliberately barren amongst us? Do you want people to be happy for you rather than wanting to throw up in their mouths?

If you’re Beyoncé, you know that the only way to do it is to perform a song at the MTV Video Music Awards, unbutton your sequined jacket and rub your stomach showcased in a high-waisted pant. This is the new international sign for “I am pregnant.” But in the horrible happenstance that you are not a worldwide singing sensation, here’s some ideas on how to announce your happy news without being vulgar:

1. While telling your family or close friends early allows them to offer support if something goes wrong, telling everyone before 12 weeks could get awkward when you have to untell them later in the horrible event of a miscarriage. Consider only telling those that you could face telling the bad news.

2. Saying, “I’m, like TOTALLY PREGGERS OMG!!!!!!!!” on Facebook or Twitter does not scream  elegance. Flash forward to the possibility that that post might be on the public record for the whole of your child’s life, right up to when everyone arrives with their jetpacks at their 21st.

3. Refrain from posting weekly photos of your belly on any social media whatsoever. Your belly is a private matter best enjoyed by you and your most special of friends.

4. Using an ultrasound photo as your profile pic is also, completely not ok. In an ideal world, this sort of behaviour would be actively policed.

Of course, the most pleasant way to tell people is in person, however, by telephone is completely acceptable if geography or situation prevents you from doing so. Remember: first impressions count. Since this babe cannot control it’s own first impression, at least make the effort to ensure it is a decent one.

I do believe there’s more for you to read: