Dear Agony Uncle,

I have some young Facebook friends with whose parents I mispent my youth. Should I congratulate the parents on the excellent joint-rolling skills of their progeny as shown in a recent Facebook post, tell the parents in an outraged tone or keep quiet? Please help me do the right thing in a very modern dilemma. 

Soccer Mum, Melbourne

Dear Soccer Mum,

Isn’t it funny how those who were the height of depravity in their youth soon eventually become arbiters of good behaviour and pedantry ie. one’s parents? You could have been licking acid off a stranger and beer from the barroom floor in your early twenties, but when you’re above a certain age, the act of rolling a joint is worthy of wheeling out the riot police. However, the real shame is that even they’re too busy moving hippies out of metropolitan centres in the name of capitalism, so creating your own urban vigilante might seem like a a good idea.

Now take a step back, breathe, then think about the consequences of what you’re planning on doing. Firstly, yes you do have a duty of care, but you also must be considered “Cool Aunty Soccer Mum” to be friends with your friends’ children on Facebook in the first place. The whims of teenagers are generally short-lived, so you must give your predicament some perspective. If, for example, the progeny had turned their cubby house into a makeshift meth lab and you learnt of this via a Facebook update that wasn’t Mafia Wars spam, then sure, you should say something. Lord knows the parents would have a hard time explaining it to the Drug Squad when plumes of acrid smoke rise above what was once a meeting place for the local kids for mud pies and imaginary tea and not the resident hoodlums and their pursuit of a dragon of their choosing. Yet in your situation, the smoke that is emanating from a confined space is one laced with a seemingly innocuous odour of Bob Marley tunes and counter-productivity. It mightn’t be entirely legal, nor your lifestyle choice but you should give the errant youth their wriggle room, even if their eyelids could double as curtains at the nearby community theatre.

Be tactical and approach the youth in question next time you see them. Now listen to this carefully: do not ask them for drugs. This will nullify any attempt to exercise a moral high ground. Instead, say something harmless and leading, like  ”Nice skills, man.” Of course they’ll ask what you’re talking about, so clear it up that you were impressed by their joint-rolling prowess. Of course their first response will be, “Don’t tell Mum and Dad,” which you should greet with a knowing smile and then proceed to extort them for money tell them to be a little more careful what they broadcast on Facebook from now on. Naturally you’ll be banished to the obscurity of their privacy settings, but you should take satisfaction in knowing that you’ve done the right thing without destroying their lives by invoking their one-way ticket to rehab. And that you’ll know where to score next time you’re feeling like reclaiming your youth.

I do believe there’s more for you to read: