Dear Agony Uncle,
I have a case with a co-worker at the moment where the amount of personal activities are creeping in is getting rather alarming. For example, she starts off with bringing in some chips to snack on, and now I open the fridge to find it’s full of her crap and she seems to eat breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks at the office. I can get that people want to be well groomed, and maybe put a bit of lippy and powder on during the day; this morning at 9.30am I walk into the loos to find her, white terry towelling headband and all, doing the full beauty routine and entire makeup thing with a makeup/toiletries bag the size of a fishing tackle box. And that’s before we go into the 6 pairs of shoes under her desk. One flat pair, for when it’s wet outside or if you need to walk somewhere is acceptable, in my mind. Or am I being unnecessarily precious?
Office Monitor, Melbourne
Dear Office Monitor,
With increasing demands to be seen at the office and mounting virtual mountains of electronic paperwork people seem to be spending more time in the workplace despite Timothy Ferris’ preachings. It’s not uncommon to see your colleagues shovelling mountains of grain and bird seed like their animal kingdom counterparts at their desks even before they’ve switched their computers on.
Over the last ten years it’s become increasingly acceptable to exercise and then return to work for a shower and a reapplication of deodorant and other essentials. In fact, some companies have even encouraged such behaviour with the installation of communal gymnasiums for use by all staff; their rationale a fit and healthy team makes for a productive one, with less time off for illness. How pedestrian!
So, of course, your quandary comes at no surprise that your colleague’s work-life imbalance is noticeable to someone as busy as you. However, may I propose something a little unconventional? “Of course!” you say. Have you actually considered that she might actually be LIVING UNDER HER DESK? You might have yourself a squatter situation with your dear colleague having taken up residence at the office. Perhaps she’s having a quick hooker wash—armpits and crotch—in the lavs before the rest of you arrive. Have you checked that the compactus hasn’t been converted to her walk-in wardrobe? Is the mailroom receiving her New Idea subscription and Wine Selectors order on her behalf?
Or maybe she’s just overworked and you need to pull her aside for a friendly discussion of her wellbeing. Begin your conversation with, “I notice you’ve been spending a lot of time at the office, is everything okay?” You never know, she might be mid-relationship breakdown, she might be unable to manage her workload, or perhaps she’d sooner use company time for her personal rites. Absolve yourself of any attribution by remarking, “I didn’t want to say anything, but management have been talking,” and it should be enough for her to pack up her tackle box and her uncouth behaviour and perform it where people of her ilk do such things: on public transport.
Published on 5 October 2011 by Agony Uncle