So those burly and brawny men are about to run around the football field and best of all, there are going to be some incredibly expensive ads. That’s right: this weekend it’s Super Bowl Sunday! While bringing glamour to football is a challenge, here are a few speaking points to enable you to blend in while remaining composed at this exciting time.
There are no actual bowls involved in the game. Do not make this mistake as it is a dead giveaway that you do not care for sport. Turns out, the name was decided when two leagues (the American Football League and the National Football league) merged and they wanted a name to decide the world champion (of a game that is only played in one country). As a side note, Australia has really fumbled calling its Australian Rules football final, the ‘Grand Final’—talk about underwhelming. But I digress. NFL Commissioner, Pete Rozelle wanted to call the merged game ‘The Big One’. The other league guy apparently jokingly called it the “Super Bowl” as a play on words related to a toy his daughter had (called a Wham-O Super Ball) combined with the college “bowl” games (Ever heard of the Rose Bowl? No of course not if you’re reading this post but look it up here). The Super Bowl became a permanent name. And that’s why you shouldn’t joke about bowls because you could end up naming the second-largest day for U.S. food consumption, after Thanksgiving Day.
This year’s game is called Super Bowl XLVI. It’s in Roman numerals because Roman numerals scream gladiatorial combat rather than just some prancy game involving freakishly large men who wear leggings.
The two teams playing this year are the New York Giants and New England Patriots. Both of those names are terrifically gladiatorial as well and a lot better than say, “the 49ers” which is not very scary. Behold: “Oh my god, a Patriot is coming to get me. Behind him is an angry Giant. Holding their bags is a 49er.” Do not be misled by their names; there is nothing new about either team.
The New York Giants are known for:
● Having a 17-year drought during the ’60s and ’70s when they didn’t make it into the playoffs aka the Finals;
● One of their players , Plaxico Burres, accidentally shooting himself when the Glock he’d tucked into the waistband of his sweatpants (which he was inexplicably wearing at a nightclub), began sliding down his leg and he pulled the trigger inadvertently when reaching for it;
● Having a quarterback named Eli Manning who appeared in an Oreo commercial.
The New England Patriots are known for:
● Having Tom Brady as their quarterback who was picked like waaaaaaay down the draft picks and then turned out to be awesome. Also, he dated Mr Big’s wife, “Natasha” from Sex and the City and then left her in real life when she was pregnant so that he could go out with supermodel Gisele Bündchen and have babies with her. Despite this switcheroo, Americans still love him because he is incredibly good-looking and ridiculously good at football.
● Usually being referred to as the “Pats”. You should totally do this.
● Being in the Super Bowl seven times (only the Dallas Cowboys and the Pittsburgh Steelers have been in it more).
The Giants and the Pats (I’m totally doing it!) played against each other in the 2008 Super Bowl and the Giants won so there’s some baggage, right there.
The aim of the game is to run up and down the field and score touchdowns (where someone gets into the end of the field at the opposite end to where they started). Touchdowns are worth six points. When someone gets a touchdown it’s a big deal and a much bigger deal than in Aussie Rules football where it happens 20 or so times in a game but not quite as big a deal as in soccer (or football if you’re from anywhere where it’s the only form of football worth considering) when it sometimes doesn’t happen at all.
If there is a foul, the umpires (or officials) throw a yellow flag weighted down with a beanbag onto the field. This is not considered something festive you should do at home.
And that’s about it. Have a great day and be sure to eat some buffalo wings (which is a euphemism for chicken) and some beer and cheese soup (which horrifying enough, is not a euphemism for chicken).
Published on 3 February 2012 by Esmerelda Clark