This morning was one of those “I have nothing to wear”, “nothing’s clean”, “nothing’s ironed”, ”I’m the size of a house” kind of mornings. Of course, these only happen when you’re in a hurry, have to vacate the premises to attend a slew of meetings and generally fret unnecessarily even before you’ve had caffeine. So rather than losing sleep over the whole affair, I chose to go with the one look that I could possibly get away with: by looking like I slept in my outfit.
There’s a couple of ways of making crumpled look cool, but you have to get the right elements in just the right state of dishevelled to look like a convincing hipster hobo. Here’s how:
1. Wear a t-shirt that’s fresh out of the wash (but not stale off the floor) and pull it on. Give it a bit of a “Trinny and Susannah” by tugging at the bottom so it doesn’t sit at your midriff and you’re good to go.
2. Add an unbuttoned shirt over the top. It should not require cufflinks lest you look like a Wall Street banker doing a walk of shame the morning after.
3. Add a ridiculously oversized necklace that’s impractical when running late i.e. it’s so large and heavy that it could knock out your front teeth when breaking into a light jog. My personal recommendation (and choice today) is this T-Rex from Mafia.
4. Pull on a pair of clean jeans or trousers. This is the Achilles heel for those attempting to looking effortlessly unkept without smelling or looking dirty. Men are noisome creatures, no need to emphasise this point.
5. Throw on a pair of well-worn Chucks or similar shoes and you’re ready to go. A word of warning: Always inspect for holes as you run the risk of looking like a legitimate hobo. I made this elementary mistake this morning and my fuchsia-coloured socks are poking out for all to see. If anything, I look like an eccentric hobo.
And there you have it. If you regularly make this look a habit and you’re a frequent traveller, then there’s a product out there for you: the crumpled city map. Made from Tyvek, that papery, waterproof and pretty much indestructible fabric, you can scrunch it up over and over again and still find you way around the world’s most hipster foreign cities—London, Berlin, Paris and Amsterdam—and with luck, in the direction of a dry cleaner.
Published on 15 February 2012 by Agony Uncle