Name: Adrian, aka "Agony Uncle"
Bio: Adrian Fernand is an Australian writer born in Melbourne. He is the author of the social protocol and etiquette blog, I Do Believe I Came with a Hat, and is a contributor to British publication, Finch's Quarterly Review and satirical blog, The Truffe Will Set You Free. He has spent close to a decade in the communications and event management industries; working as an event manager for leading luxury goods brand, Louis Vuitton and as director of a marketing, events and online strategy consultancy. He has in excess of 90 pairs of shoes.
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Posh plates for every plebeian
August 14th, 2010So I’m a bit of a bandit for homewares and a stickler for proper deportment so when both are combined I think I might just explode! Artist Emma Houlston has created a set of plates for design collective, Narrative entitled ‘Harrow Ladies Luncheon Club’ that are illustrated with lessons in good table manners from stern-looking matriarchs.
According to Houlston, they are “a series of plates inspired equally by meals with my gran and scenes of the immaculately dressed Harrow Ladies Luncheon Club as featured in John Betjamen’ s Metroland (1970). Either follow their rules or flaunt a total lack of respect by eating your TV dinner off one of these porcelain beauties.”
A set of six 26.5 cm English bone china plates costs £140 and can take between three and four weeks to be delivered. It’s like your nan says: good things come to those who wait.
(via Kitsune Noir)
Keeping tattoos bright for life
August 13th, 2010In these modern times, it’s often more difficult to find someone who doesn’t have a tattoo than one who does. Gone are the days when a full sleeve of ink meant that you would be restricted to driving a truck or fixing someone’s electricity, now a tattoo is an accessoire de riguer.
Alas, beauty fades as do tattoos and this phenomenon has become the arch-enemy of every ageing hipster … until now. Enter Tattoo Brite, a tattoo brightening cream and SPF cream to ensure that ink lasts as long as you do. For about $25 a tube it’s a sound investment that ensures at least one part of you will be smooth when the rest is old and wrinkly.
(via Cool Hunting)
Gold and silver leaf spray makes food fancy
August 12th, 2010Attention all Stepford Wives. Normal-looking food not cutting it for you anymore? Getting your chrome chromosomes in a twist over coloured fruit? Fret no more! The Deli Garage has Esslack, an edible gold and silver leaf spray to make your culinary adventures that little bit more jazzy. At €24.80 a can it’s like a meal with spirit fingers.
(via Inspire Me Now)
Tropic Blunder: What to wear to a Balinese wedding
August 12th, 2010Dear Agony Uncle,
I’ve been invited to a friend’s wedding in Bali and it’s very important to me that I look good and make a great impression on the other guests. The invitation says dress is ‘warm cocktail climate’, so no suit jackets, but not living in a warm climate, I’m not clear what this does include. Can you advise me of what I should be wearing and where I should be getting it?
Tyler, London
Dear Tyler,
A Balinese wedding is perhaps one of the only occasions where wearing white isn’t only practical, but it is the type of situation where you wouldn’t risk upstaging the bride. Of course, a tropical climate is also fraught with the perils associated with poor water sanitation—Bali belly.
Let me take you on a journey back to my halcyon days of being a PR tart, flying across international waters to coordinate photo shoots of luxury resorts. Envious? Don’t be—it was sleeves-up, sweaty-crack, arduous work that could crush even the most resilient of publicists. With a limited budget—read: none—and a fistful of business cards, it was my duty to create a mock wedding in a tropical hideaway, pushing my way through the throngs bedecked with Bali braids and contraband Chanel. No wardrobe, no models, no clue; I managed to assemble a motley crew of ‘present-day attractive’ folk and source a borrowed wardrobe from Bali’s continental Seminyak district. Mid-shoot after a prepared lunch, one of our ‘models’ forgot the cardinal rule to not eat the fruit nor drink the water for fear of days of discomfort. Needless to say, the cream linen trousers he sported remained pristine for half an hour before he had to be stretchered out and the trousers peeled off. After witnessing what I saw, I’m reticent to raise children.
Remember that in the tropics comfort is key. An open-necked button-down shirt, pressed trousers are acceptable , but don’t be afraid to wear a splash of colour in the form of a silk handkerchief or a neck tie. Oh, and that splash of colour? I think you know there’s one you should avoid …
You can submit your questions to the Agony Uncle by clicking here, pulling up a chair and having a nice hot cup of tea.
No more submerged strings with tethered tea mugs
July 28th, 2010In my opinion (and most of the British Empire) a good cup of tea cures all ails. Many will attest to my tea-making prowess, whether they’ve received one in the early afternoon or in the wee hours of the morning from the night before. A spoon for each cup and one for the pot: there’s a certain romanticism about brewing tea with love.
And then there’s the tea bag. Man’s solution to the tea strainer, the pariah of good taste and a representation of general laziness; it has been disambiguated into a lewd sexual act and is now a source of restrained giggles in the tearoom. And then there’s the string that never stays outside of the cup.
New York designer and founder of le moutin noir & co, George Lee’s design solves the escapee string dilemma by allowing consumers to tether their teabag directly to the mug when pouring water in. Biscuits and polite conversation not included.
(via designboom)
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Secret Stash office furniture deters thieving colleagues
June 30th, 2010Anyone who has ever worked in a design studio knows that if things aren’t bolted down, they grow legs and walk. Taiwanese-turned-British designer, Yting Cheng has created a conceptual line of office furniture and accessories that can foil even the most cunning of light fingers. See them in action in this video:
I’m extremely embarrassed to admit that the concept reminds me of an episode of Friends when someone steals Ross’ Thanksgiving turkey sandwich from the office kitchen. The term ‘moist maker’ also comes to mind. I can hear your eyes rolling from here. It’s not my fault that Friends happens to be on UK television 24 hours a day and that British programming is so rubbish that I had to resort to watching reruns of a half-baked sitcom. Besides, it’s all about Phoebe anyway. Excuse me while I return to the mid-nineties and strap on my joey jeans and LA Gear Lights.
(via mocoloco)
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Icon stationery for the old-fashioned, new-age scribe
June 30th, 2010Most won’t argue that the art of letter writing isn’t particularly ‘on trend’ these days; that is unless you’re part of some de Beauvoir/Satre performance troupe who interpret their discourse through dance. And if so … well, you’re just a freak.
Personally, I’ve always fancied the pen over the sword and given that I completed 6 months of an interior design degree, I have excellent architect’s penmanship and pretentiously attempt to demonstrate it at any given point. I’ll give you one guess who likes filling out immigration forms on the plane …
I digress. The nifty folk at Brigada Creative have designed some pretty letter-writing stationery for those who are technically entrenched. Resembling the famed icons usually found on a virtual desktop, these real-world writing sets exist in real life for use in the ye olde worlde of manual labour.
Would someone please tend to the geeks whose heads just exploded? Thank you.
(via designboom)
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World Cup footballers need to lift their game
June 30th, 2010So while the whole world goes crazy with World Cup fever, I will quite happily admit that it doesn’t necessarily float my boat. Call me a killjoy but the incessant Facebook and Twitter updates that clog up my feed by revealing every play (mind you, from people who don’t usually follow the football), the riot police called in to contain the ‘friendly’ locals in Barbès-Rochechouart who take the afternoon off from selling contraband cigarettes and fake perfume to climb street furniture and set flares alight and the fact that a blaring LED screen in a charming Parisian café is more of an attraction than the person opposite one’s table is more appealing doesn’t exactly instill spirit in me.
Needless to say, footballers aren’t particularly known for their taste, moderation or decorum thus the loutish behaviour that ensues comes as no shock. Take for instance, Cristiano Ronaldo. Present-day attractive (that’s not a compliment, by the way), oiled to within an inch of his life and bejewelled in all manner of Dany Bijoux bling is a sterling example of an over-inflated sense of entitlement paired with youth and way too liberal spending. Case in point:
As for German coach, Joachim Löw who was busted mining for nuggets at a recent match, the Australian Cottee’s cordial commerical and its playground appropriation—”My dad picks the fruit/his nose that goes to Cottee’s to make the cordial, that I like best.”—seems most appropriate. Showing here:
So in the unlikely event that footballers can read this site; take heed. Pull those socks up, remove those fingers from orifices they shouldn’t be and remember that the world is watching.
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Good products for the more discerning stoner
June 17th, 2010Calling all potheads and friends of potheads! Now, finally something that is nutritious and delicious for when the munchies call. Good‘s range of oils, salad dressings and mayonnaise are made from hemp seed derived from—you guessed it—marijuana plants grown at the British company’s Collabear Farm in North Devon.
Known for its health properties, hemp seed has a higher content of Omega 3, 6, & 9 than any other commercially available oil and contains half the saturated fat of olive oil and no trans fats. It also helps achieve healthy hair and skin, maintains cholesterol levels and is beneficial for the immune system and joints.
Good is available from leading supermarkets across the United Kingdom, Wholefoods in the United States and online. So when you’re next you’re rustling around the bottom of the pantry through red-hued eyes, reach for the Good and make yourself something nice* and not the packet of Monster Munch. Pink Floyd sounds so much better on a full stomach.
*NB. I Do Believe I Came with a Hat will not be responsible for any resulting house fires.
(via Cool Hunting)
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A modest way to avoid camel toe
June 16th, 2010If you watched the recent train-wreck that was Sex and the City 2, you’ll be painfully aware of a rather feeble joke involving a camel and a subsequent camel toe. Poor old Charlotte, always bringing the comic relief to an otherwise dead quadruped. If you haven’t seen it, well you can’t exactly blame me for ruining the plot for you—just watch the trailer. Besides, you’ll thank me for giving you those extra two hours and twenty-five minutes. Believe me, I’m never getting those back, no matter how much regressional therapy I have. I digress.
Always on the lookout for new products and ideas to make your life that little bit less embarrassing; ladies, introducing Camelflage, special undergarments designed to maintain your modesty when wearing tight trousers. The secret is the insert sewn into the crotch area of the brief, which prevents any unintentional ‘vacuum effect’. It is available in full-brief and thong models at US$19.99 each.
Call me skeptical, but surely you could fashion the same thing out of a discarded Marie biscuit—if your lady parts are so hungry that they eat your pants, maybe you should feed them once in a while.
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Thank you to Alice for the tip.
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