You might have invested in several rolls of electrical tape and made a makeshift dungeon out of a broom closet but you’re missing one key ingredient in a successful abduction—the victim. As any stalker of distinction knows, the key is a well-planned and discreetly executed strategy, one that has the greatest element of surprise, designed [...]

We’ve all been there: You have a crush on someone but they are attached to some inferior non-you person. Calamity? Yes; but as they say in the classics, it’s not over ’til it’s over. One day they might be single and then they will notice your beautiful eyes and intriguing views about art and music; [...]

When I was five years old, my parents took me to a fast food restaurant in Paris (Who knew this existed? Also, why did we go there when we were in Paris?), which had a keypad for entering the menu numbers of items one wished to order and featured a big sign that said, “Errors must [...]

Do you find yourself sometimes spurned for your smoking by wowsers who remind you that you are going to die sooner than they are? Now I’m as judgmental as the next perfect person but social shunning is impolite. I guess what I’m saying is, we all have our vices. And dear smokers, now you can connect more [...]

Now, I’m not going to get all conspiracy theorist on you, but there’s something to be said for Apple’s planned obsolescence. Whoever in their product development team decided that putting a glass back on a mobile handset with designed-to-slip-out-of-your-hands bevelled edges is either a complete imbecile or receiving kickbacks from the spare parts department. You [...]

It can be hard to tell someone that their zipper is undone, but it’s even harder to tell them they often have food in their beard or that their smell is less than fresh. Sometimes, you want to, though—we all do. You could be doing them a favour (even if it crushes their fragile spirit like a [...]

I remember the first time I visited Spain at the tender age of sixteen; struggling with both the language and my own identity, I romped around regional towns with abandon … until I discovered the Spanish toilet. Naturally I was horrified by the shower-recess-cum-lavatory (perhaps not the best choice of words), which in the middle [...]

For those who have travelled to nations abroad where the language spoken is not the mother tongue, they most certainly have a hilarious tale of when their pidgin Spanish/Mandarin/Urdu did not elicit quite the desired response,  and in some extreme cases—solicited prostitution. Most frequently it’s a cute slip of the tongue—saying you’re pregnant instead having had [...]

Alcohol might be the social lubricant for the timid, but for the outspoken it can be social suicide. Combine it with the accessibility of social media, and you have a cocktail recipe for disaster. The boffins at Social Media Sobriety Test have developed software that allows you specify the hours you anticipate being inebriated and which social [...]

Apparently, Paris is the City of Love, however, from where I stand, it’s the city of former lovers. No need to cue the violins, but of late I have run into not one, not two, but three dreaded exes when minding my own business in various watering holes across the city, including at my own [...]