Below are responses to some of the more brief and obscure (spam, irrelevant, facetious etc.) questions we have received at Hat HQ this week: Does the guy I like like me as well? Mylei, Melbourne VIC Well if his tongue is down your throat and his hand is on your rump, then yes, chances are he does like [...]

I am known by my choice of wonderful accessories, in particular, hats. Recently someone else has been trying to hone in on my hat-wearing glory. I don’t like this and think it’s inappropriate. I think she should take up wearing great scarves or bling rings. How much space is there in the room for one [...]

Bed sheets: what is an acceptable timeframe before washing them? Unkempt Wonder, Malvern SA Dear Unkempt Wonder, I don’t know whether to find it revolting or refreshing that someone from such an illustrious suburb is writing regarding cleanliness standards, however, let’s go with the former and promptly fire your maid. I was once involved in some weird situation where [...]

Okay, so this is supposedly the point where I am meant to apologise profusely* and throw myself at your feet in complete deference. Well, that’s where you would be wrong. If you’d holidayed in Port Douglas and drunk your own weight in Pommery perhaps you’d understand. Sure, posts have been a bit thin on the [...]

I have a crush on someone much younger than me. Is this lust inappropriate? Must I get the thought of wanting to jump him out of my head? Or do I use my older, worldly charm and show him a thing or two that he might not know? Cradle Lover, Glen Waverley VIC Dear Cradle Lover, Why don’t [...]

Men and tights, can it work? Spandex Dreamin’, Richmond VIC Dear Spandex Dreamin’, There’s much to be said about a man in a figure-hugging garment; and there’s a very fine line between allure and repulsion. There are some simple rules to follow regarding tights and avoiding an offence from the fash po-po: 1. Tights are not trousers. Consideration should [...]

I have a slight problem with a work colleague. She is the sweetest girl but unfortunately the odour emanating from her armpits is not as sweet as she. How do I address this awkward hygiene issue? Rexona, Ivanhoe VIC Dear Rexona, Tackling sensitive issues is never easy, particularly when it involves those you are forced to encounter on [...]

I work in a pretty high-pressured job: long hours with early starts and late finishes. Naturally, I hit the booze of a night-time, if anything, just so I can get to sleep. How do I hide red wine breath in the morning? Heavy-Breather, Yarraville, VIC Dear Heavy-Breather, Ah, the plight of the closet boozehound. You remind me of [...]

I ‘borrowed’ my flatmate’s jacket to wear to a party, forgot to mention it to him and somehow managed to cover half of it in cheap red wine. How do I remove it and return it unnoticed? Bad Friend, Bentleigh, VIC Dear Bad Friend, It appears that you’re aware that you breached social protocol, so I won’t dwell [...]

I live in a share house with a girl whose long hair is  forever stuck in the drain of the shower. I’m sick of the shower flooding; and when I try to tell her about it, she always avoids the conversation. How should I encourage her to clean up her mess? Follicularly Challenged, Darlinghurst, NSW Dear Follicularly Challenged, I once [...]